"Life is not about waiting for the storms to pass...
it's about learning to dance in the rain."
This is a quote that my older daughter, Madison, showed to me. These past months we have truly learned to live this.
I recently lost my mother - I did not comment on it on Facebook, in fact for several weeks afterward I didn't comment at all on Facebook. I just couldn't find any words that seemed right. So, in a way it seems odd to me that I am going to talk about it here. One reason for my commenting here being that I have read a lot of blogs and the ones that appeal the most to me are the ones where people are real and let you get to know them. Another reason being that I am not me without my mom. I don't mean that now that she is gone I am not me...I mean that my mom (with some help, of course, from my wonderful dad) made me into me. She has always been a huge part of my life and she is in me and always will be. So, for anyone to really know me they need to know of my relationship with my mom.
My mother was sick for some time, during that time I had to learn to go on with other parts of my life even though my thoughts were with her. She, in fact, encouraged me to do this. I would go to visit her and many times she would say - I know that you need to go and work on the ballet costumes for the girlies' performances, or I know that you need to go and do school with your girlies, or maybe, I know that you need to take the girlies to do something fun. So, even though my mom could no longer come with us to do these things, and even though it was hard to leave her while we did these things I learned to find joy in the midst of the rain...I learned how to watch my girlies enjoy the wonderful things life offered them and be happy in those moments even in the midst of our own personal storm.
When my mother passed I told myself that I would try to do one regular thing each day. Two days after the service for my mother my younger daughter, Lane, was to get her pointe shoes with the other students in her ballet class. The timing was so difficult, but this was one of the regular things that I had said that I would do. This event in Lane's life was huge...she had worked so hard and waited so long and yet we were all so sad. The nature of life, though, is that the saddest things and the happiest things often happen side by side. Lane literally danced in the midst of the rain and I know that my mom was proud of us.
I hope to share more of the special woman that my mom was with you in the future. Tell me something special about your mom.
xoxo Elizabeth
Oh, I remember your beautiful mother. Family was always number one with her as it is with you. She was so much fun to be around and had a amazing laugh. Loved seeing her face again.
ReplyDeleteMy heart is with all of you through the loss of your beloved matriarch. Your mother was a kind and determined woman, two things that often do not appear in the same person. I know she is still in all of you; you are all living her spirit every day.
ReplyDeleteI learned about the juxtaposition of the happy and sad times as you mentioned in 2004. I got a phone call from a friend informing me of Kevin' accident (my closest male friend during high school, whom I loved) and ten minutes after grasping that he was gone, Jeff called for the first time while away at basic training. It was the most drastic emotional change I've felt in my life, and I can understand how Lane must have felt.
I think you all are doing beautifully, and I am proud to call you my friends, my family too.
And as for my mother: well, she has done the absolute best she could with all of us. In one week, she will no longer be my financial supporter, and while she will always be my mom, I can now watch her put herself first for the first time in my life. It's been a joy watching her transform, especially into a Granny.
Elizabeth,
ReplyDeleteI am speechless! What memories those photos brought back (the young one!) what I remember is the youthful, beautiful Barbara, who made me eat zucchini and then call my mother to tell her! Your Mom will always have a VERY special place in my heart. I felt so much love from her as a child. Even in the more recent photos, she glowed!!